Sometimes I worry that when I bring up Emotional Intelligence (EQ) in sales conversations, people start to tune out. Maybe they expect some overcomplicated, ninja-level strategy that sounds nice in theory but has no real-world application. I promise—this isn’t that. I like sales to be as simple and effective as possible. Like you, I want to make my job easier. But I also want to keep getting better. I may never be the best, but I do want to do my best. And ironically, even in saying that, I’m making it about me—which leads directly to the heart of this article. If EQ is about understanding and managing emotions—yours and your customer’s—then here’s the simplest way to do it: remember four words—“It’s not about me.” That’s it. Pure and simple. But not always easy. We’re all the center of our own universe, and naturally, we default to seeing the world from our own point of view. The problem is, when we stay in that mindset, we create emotional blind spots—missing what the other person is feeling, needing, or really trying to say.
That phrase—“It’s not about me”—stings a little every time I use it (yep, there I go again… making it about me 🫤). It reminds me that I’m often selfish with my words, actions, and emotions. And no, it doesn’t feel great. But it is necessary. EQ starts with putting our egos in check—not to be self-critical, but to make room for someone else’s experience. When you pause your emotional reaction, you give yourself space to calm down and regain clarity, while also giving the other person permission to feel and express what they’re going through. And that right there is the beauty of EQ in action: a moment of self-control that creates connection. Try it just once in a tense or emotional moment—say to yourself, “It’s not about me”—and watch what changes. You might feel more sensitive or exposed in that moment, but that’s part of the process. Here are five practical ways to use this idea in everyday sales conversations:
- Listen without waiting to speak – Don’t just listen for your next opportunity to pitch or respond. Focus on understanding what your customer is really saying—and how they’re feeling as they say it.
- Pause your emotional reactions – When something frustrates you or throws you off, take a breath. Remind yourself: It’s not about me. Give yourself a moment to respond instead of react.
- Don’t take objections personally – Objections aren’t attacks—they’re information. When you remember it’s not about you, you can stay curious and explore what’s really behind the pushback.
- Make space for their perspective – Shift the spotlight. Ask thoughtful questions. Be genuinely interested in their world, not just your solution.
- Lead with empathy, not ego – Your goal isn’t to impress—it’s to connect. Show customers you care about what they care about. That’s how trust is built.
“It’s not about me” may be simple, but it’s also transformational. Master that phrase, and you’re well on your way to mastering EQ in sales.
